there’s no way around it: every day i am growing & every day i am changing & it’s downright uncomfortable. like God is making me into more - whatever that means - so in every moment, i’m morphing into “more,” that no one around me is fully familiar with.
& in this subtly extraordinary transformation that every child who’s ever crowned Him King gets to witness, i discard old habits & welcome new ones. i read articles from a diversity of perspectives & surrender myself to challenge & actually embrace it. i set goals & ask to be held accountable for them & learn to differentiate between hard work & trying my best. i pick up new hobbies & dust off the old ones on quiet saturday nights when the freedom to wholeheartedly pursue them & pursue Him through them recklessly overwhelms my creativity.
this is the process of becoming more, of becoming new, of becoming who He has already declared us to be.
“therefore, if anyone is in Christ, he is a new creation. the old has passed away; behold, the new has come. all this is from God, who through Christ reconciled us to Himself… for our sake He made Him to be sin who knew no sin, so that in Him we might become the righteousness of God.” 2 corinthians 5:17-18, 21.
He won’t let up until He has fully restored, totally transformed, & completely sanctified all of me. maybe that’s why i love fixer upper. turns out, joanna, chip & God are all in the business of relentless restoration. whether it’s a broken dream, a busted brick house, a dimming friendship, or dysfunctional floorboards, joanna said, “God loves every kind of restoration.”
& yet with every reminder of restoration, with every verse that tells me He won’t stop until He’s finished, with every time i reflect on how far i’ve come, let me hear this the loudest: it is finished.
may my prayer be: “remind me of the finished work. remind me of Your finished work. remind me that the Gospel isn’t the cross + evangelism, the cross + morning prayers, the cross + good behavior. remind me that my restoration doesn’t start & end with my doing. remind me that my habits aren’t what saves me. remind me that i’m always wearing the whitest gown & there’s nothing i can do to make Your love conditional.”
"all fear just fears that we can end up somewhere beyond the good love of God's love, & we can never find ourselves anywhere beyond the love of God so there is nothing to ever fear in the whole wide world." a.v.
the more i become His more, i understand just how vast His grace is. this has not only been a pursuit of the best, but a discovery of the worst parts of me. sure, i’d never claim to have “arrived” at perfection, but there are a handful of days i’ve impressed myself. & it only takes someone i deeply love to call out my pride & my hypocrisy to wake me up to how far i’ve yet to go & oh, the depths of love He has for me to still stay with me, never withholding His faithfulness from me.
in light of all these messy reflections, even though i’m changing, the essence of me remains unchanged. & yet, experiences are taking the liberty to chisel away at me & it’s uncomfortable & oftentimes confusing for the people around me because only i really know the heart work the Lord’s been actively pursuing behind closed doors & inside the pages of my moleskin notebook & on blank documents & unfamiliar passages & conversations where i literally feel my mind being stretched & i leave with the need to look outside as far as i can see & wonder what more is out there.
so, yes, i want to run at 6am if for nothing else than the grand possibility of discovery & i want to be pushed further than what i think is my limit & i want to engage when i’d rather shut down & speak honestly & think deeply & laugh the loudest & hey, feel the freedom to maybe decide one day that i want to be the best in the world at something. & then actually do it. i want to hold my professor’s wisdom close when he tells me that if you haven’t struggled with the answer, it’s only an abstract idea. i want to celebrate & brainstorm & dream of a bucket list for this weekend & how i can love more fully. because every day, we are becoming. & that becoming is something beautiful. i don’t want to miss any of it. i want to love all of it.
Write something about yourself. No need to be fancy, just an overview.