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7/23/2018 3 Comments messy beginningsbeginnings.
oh, beginnings: what a beautiful & complicated mess, an incredible & foreign thrill they are. we’re all just a bunch of beginners — beginning again & again & again in a dozen different ways, a dozen times a day, every day. whether it’s a new job or a new friend or a new routine or a new church or a new recipe or a new life route — no matter how small they may be — beginnings are all around us. & they are altogether thrilling & terrifying & electrifying & downright uncomfortable. three weeks into creating a home in colorado, i find myself tip-toeing into a bunch of beginnings: exploring job opportunities, finding new friends, memorizing main highways, scouting out coffee shops & making positive impressions on new neighbors are just a few of them. & although i’m brewing inside myself a real love for this place, these beginnings haven’t come without mess & error & joy & discomfort & a whole lot of laughter. & i’m holding onto what my sister told me: that if it’s a little bit messy, then you know that you’re doing something right. here’s a snapshot of my beginnings: eating guac with my nephew before dinner & getting the call that i didn’t get the job & carrying back from the library an armful of books i know will challenge me & crying on a curb while cars passed, staring awkwardly at me & burning grilled cheese that smoked up the kitchen & then laughing with my sister on the couch about how i burnt her grilled cheese, but she ate it anyways & taking long, aimless walks under the clouds & hanging pink streamers up haphazardly on walls & under doorways to welcome home my new niece & then celebrating her birth-day with chocolate milkshakes & white roses. these beginnings have been wonderful & at times, hard & unexpected, & i’ve found myself having the urge a dozen times a day to apologize to anyone who talks to me about how sorry i am that it’s taking so long for me to grow — to figure all this out — but before i do, i stop & think about how ridiculous it is for me to believe that growth should happen in an instant. i know God could do away with the mess in my beginnings & in yours if He wanted to, but instead of doing that, i picture Him just smiling at us when we show up at our beginnings with our hard hats & tool belts, ready to work hard & figure it all out, & He, knowing full well the mess we’ll make, spreads a smile wide across His face & says, “i am so, so glad that you’re here.” because He loves that we show up with a willing spirit & He loves that we’re trying new & hard things & even though they can be messy, i think He’s just really glad we’re here because He knows we’ll grow into our beginnings, imperfectly & gloriously. // my parents arrived tonight after driving for days across the country with the rest of my belongings & after we threw what was left of my stuff into my room, my mom & i stared at my disorganized piles & she told me how thrilled she is at this new beginning & i told her that i wanted her strength to step into it & thrive in it & she told me i have it & whether or not that’s true, i desperately want to believe it because beginnings require a whole lot of strength & courage & resilience. & the beautiful thing is, we don’t have to do it alone. not only do we have the King of new beginnings who is intimately involved in each & every one of ours & smiles as He holds us in His gracious hands, but we also have each other. & all we have to do is reach out our hands & ask each other what area of our lives we feel we are beginning & then tell each other that we have the strength & the grace to endure each beginning’s beautiful & complicated mess, its incredible & foreign thrill. beginnings. oh, beginnings: what a grace it is to live them.
3 Comments
Sue Gaechter
7/23/2018 04:39:00 pm
Honey, as always beautifully said. One thing in particular struck me. Your mom saying you have that strength. When my grandmother was dying, I said to her that I wanted to be a real trooper like her. She told me I already was. Bethany those words have been a source of encouragement my entire life. So may your mom's word be that to you. And I know she's right... You have that strength! Love, Auntie Sue
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Vanessa
7/24/2018 07:58:32 am
BETH. This is absolutely amazing. Isn’t it so beautiful that no matter what trials and tribulations we go through in life, we have the King of all kings & each other to lean on. An old friend of mine once told to me “isn’t it wild to think, even if the whole world crumbled and YOU were the only one left... you’re STILL not alone”. It’s totally bonkers to think about, but yet relevant- because it’s true. I am so excited for all of your new beginnings and to read more of your writing. You are so lovely ❤️
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Mandy
7/25/2018 04:28:28 am
💜💜💜
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