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9/7/2018 0 Comments the chasetwo months down of living in colorado & i’m slowly settling into a steady appreciation for my new home. i’m learning the bends in each mountain road & memorizing the way home & figuring out the house chore that makes my sister the most happy when it’s over with & realizing what it is i do that makes my nephew laugh the hardest & learning the best way to hug & hold my new niece.
& although it’s all been beautiful & exciting, i feel the thrill of being in a brand new place simmering itself down & the excitement evening itself out & i’ve learned that with the dimming of anything comes a challenge that has presented itself to me over & over again throughout my life : the challenge of quitting “the chase.” this is how i define “the chase” : a state of constant hunger for “one day” & exhausting angst for the next experience or the next thrill or the next purchase or the next visit or the next best. the chase has always been a faithful companion of my life routine. as a little girl, i couldn’t wait for the bell to ring for recess & as a middle schooler, i couldn’t wait to try out for the basketball team & as a high schooler, i couldn’t wait to get my license & then i couldn’t wait to graduate & couldn’t wait to go to college & couldn’t wait to graduate college & couldn’t wait to move out to colorado & so it goes. & i guess this cycle is part of what it means to be human : we are restless beings, tossing & turning in time & scurrying around to stock up on what we think will leave us finally satisfied & sprinting towards what’s next, then trampling over the present in our rush to get there. i don’t know if you find yourself like this, but i know this is so often my chorus & i’m exhausted from it. i want to quit the chase of what’s not here, yet. instead, i want to prize what’s right in front of me, give it my full attention, stay awhile. i want to replace my angst with gratitude. i want to walk from one morning to the next & from one night to the next instead of sprinting through them & missing the sights on my way. i want to be engaged with today, even when it’s hard to & fall in love with what i see & what i hear & what i feel & what i read. i want to love the days & not wish them away or wish they pass by faster. as a beautiful woman wrote in her stunning memoir about living with & dying from cancer & how to treasure the hours put it, “these days are days. we choose how we hold them” (the bright hour). this is a mighty challenge & a tall order, but i really believe God gives us a thousand gifts a day & gives us the permission & the grace to quit the chase because He knows we’ll be better off when we do. & i think because He’s good & faithful, He wants to gently fill every crevice of our thirsty hearts with Himself & with the freedom & the joy that comes from knowing we have nothing to prove & nothing to earn & that every day, because of the cross, even in our chase & restlessness & constant craving for what’s next, He sees us as perfect : perfectly whole & perfectly spotless & perfectly His. yes, we are oh so perfectly His : in the past, we always have been, in the present, we always are, & in even in the chase, we always will be.
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